hotel room ftw
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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