She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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