hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
