The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's paper in my vomit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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