Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
