Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There r osticjed everywhere
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize