is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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