the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
