I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize