My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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