Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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