This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
