There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
