Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
