Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so explain again why im purple
no
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize