I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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