More tranny stories later!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
