I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
