Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
