I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
