my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it's great music for shaving your balls
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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