video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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