3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
