I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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