i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found a bag of teeth...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
