Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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