Slut skills are useful in every country.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
