Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
