You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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