Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
