Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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