she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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