He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
