Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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