How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
