I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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