for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
