if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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