im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
