Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
