ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
