I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
