So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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