Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
