Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
