She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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