my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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