Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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