I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
