plz talk dirty to me
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
