Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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