i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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