sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
