we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
