No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love having hate sex.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
