she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
