Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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