please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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