Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
