I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
