Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
