I just saw a hot homeless man
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
