Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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