When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
