I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
