haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
