I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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