We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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