i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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