Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
