You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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