You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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