this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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