I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
